In the same vein, I thought I would list some of my own:
- Automatically calls the nearest Starbucks to pre-order your usual grande that's French or something
- Comes defaultly subscribed to RSS notifications of the JCrew and American Eagle catalogs
- One-button process to turn you completely jet black while listening to music
- Preloaded with iAmbetterthanyou, an application to keep track of your reasons for superiority over the pedestrian PC user
- Produces your own personal RDF at one-tenth the intensity of Steve Jobs'
- Routinely schedules your Volkswagen for dealership maintenance